Maybe it's a sign

You know, there are lots of things that are bad for your self-esteem - not getting the job you want, not getting into a school you want to go to, breaking up with your partner, backhanded compliments, throwing yourself at a guy and not having him notice you, doing badly on an assignment... I think that one of the worst ones happened to me today. I was sitting on my balcony, enjoying this beautiful weather today (the first we've had in weeks), sitting on a lawn chair with my feet propped up on another lawn chair across the way, when the chair below me broke into multiple pieces. Now, I know that I haven't been eating the healthiest diet lately, and I could probably stand some more exercise, but I didn't think that things had gotten this out of control! I quickly stood up and gathered the pieces of the chair together and hid the evidence in my storage room. I looked around, and I don't think anyone saw it happen, but it's still a good incentive to hide the cookies away for a couple of days. It may take drastic measures to repair this damage to my self-image. This might even call for the sexy jeans. I usually save them for when I go out, but I just might wear them around the apartment tonight.

My destiny

I've discovered my destiny, my purpose. I am meant to write postmodern short stories in which nothing happens. My series is based on my work on my thesis - very metafictional. My stories are so postmodern right now that they don't even exist. It's a comment on how language is a barrier that prevents us from communicating anything meaningful. Either that, or else it's a comment on my work ethic right now.

If you're wondering about my thesis, don't ask.

Tease

I was talking to my Mom the other night, to wish her luck with her marathon, and she was telling me about my herb garden. Last year, for the first time in over 10 years, I planted a garden in the backyard. It did very well, and it was my pride and joy, even though it was little. My herbs did very well, and I've been cooking with them and making them into tea ever since. Anyway, this summer I'm living in an apartment, obviously, so I don't have a garden. The tease part is that many of my plants came back and are apparently doing OK without my stewardship. Hearing about my beloved plants made me want to run home and start weeding and spending time with them and replacing the ones that didn't come back. It has occurred to me that it will be over a year before I have a garden again. That's a sad thought. Garden, I miss you.

On the upside, I see the pheasant all the time now. He's always out there. The downside to these sightings is that pheasants are actually kind of loud, and their call is quite a grating sound. They are still fun to look, at though. The male looks like he would be very satisfying to hug.

Marathons

Hello. Today, my Mom is running a marathon. Actually, she should be done by now. I haven't even had breakfast yet. I'm very proud of her. This is her second marathon. She ran one last year too at the same time and place. I think this is amazing. Just running a marathon is amazing, but then running two... It's even more impressive when you realize that my Mom didn't start training or running marathons until she was over 50. This is usually one of the first things that I tell people about her, because it's interesting and because I'm so proud. It takes a lot of dedication to train for a marathon at any age, but imagine not startuing until after 50! When I hit 50, I don't plan on running marathons, that's for sure (although, really, I don't have another plan... I've never thought that far ahead).

Anyway, my selfish talk aside, Mom, congratulations, I'm so proud of you!

Alienation Syndrome

Apparently, it is common for grad students writing their theses to suffer from alienation syndrome at this point in the year. I'm not sure what the symptoms of alienation syndrome are, exactly, but I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from it. I've been wondering how to make friends with the birds in the backyard and I've been trying to learn how to communicate with them. By about 11pm tonight, I was going out of my mind with boredom. I haven't had an actual conversation with someone that didn't involve the internet for days. I don't think that I've said anything out loud for the past 24 hours. I could lose my voice and not know it.

Tonight, to shake up the monotony and to get some exercise I did some dancing. It helped to get me thinking about different things. My thoughts lately have been caught in this loop: breakup-Andrew-sad-thesis-stress-breakup-dreams-sad. I've pretty much exhausted those topics for the moment, so while dancing I turned my mind to something new - philosophy of life. Andrew and I started talking about this when I was home last month, and he has always been surprised that we didn't talk about it more. Really, so am I, although as he pointed out, it's not something I think about very much. While I was dancing, I tried to figure out why I don't think about it more, and I think that it's because it's not something that I need to. I have my basic opinions figured out, and really, if there's a higher power, the consensus is that we mortals can never really understand how he/she/it has planned things out, so don't worry about it it's taken care of, or if there's no higher power then it's pretty obvious how things work. The other problem is that I, in my postmodernism, believe multiple contradictory "truths" at the same time. I'm leery of any grand narrative and feel the need to break it down. However, in case anyone wanted to know how I stand on various issues, here is a rundown:

What religion are you?: None. I don't subscribe to an organized religion.
Are people basically good or evil?: Good. I think that people do bad things because they are unhappy or damaged in some way.
Is there a God/higher power?: Unclear. My emotional self leans towards yes, there is some sort of higher power, but my (smaller) logical side says "no" or "not necessarily". I think that things make sense either way.
Is there an afterlife?: I don't believe in Hell. That's one of my few definite beliefs. Hell doesn't seem fair to me. I think that if there's a higher power, there's probably an afterlife of some sort. I imagine it as a sort of debriefing session, though maybe there's more beautiful heavenly music and lots of light like one imagines.
Is there morality without religion?: Of course. This was one of my largest issues with the right-wing Christian radio show that I used to listen to on my way home from work/school - Focus on the Family. The people on that show had the assumption that religion and morality were equal. I think that history has proven this notion to be false for pretty much every major religion. I think that people should have an understanding of what's right and wrong outside of their religion. I think that one should do what's right because it's right, not because of religious implications.
What spiritual/religious practices do you do?: Hmmmmm.... this is a tricky question. I meditate sporadically. I've started praying sometimes, though not regularly and not in a structured fashion. I find it helpful to imagine that someone's listening and cares about my problems. My main spiritual practice lately is trying to be a better person myself. I've been having a lot of dreams lately about helping people, which could be coming out of my feelings of isolation, but it's something I might start focussing on more in the future. I've also tried to pay more attention to beautiful things and natural things, with mixed success.
What are your thoughts on reality?: Well, my personal experience of reality is that it's somewhat unstable, which I find both scary and liberating. I've noticed that other people seem to report a much more stable reality than I experience, so I guess that for most people it's stable. I do subscribe to the postmodern notion that there is no objective reality, but everyone has their own personal version of it. That seems like an obvious statement to me, but I've noticed that it's not obvious for a lot of people, which is interesting.


Those are all of the things that I can think about to mention right now. I think that it would be neat if people posted their own answers to these questions in the comments, and more questions if there's anything I've missed. I'm not thinking as clearly now that I've stopped dancing. Commenting on my blog would be a great way for us all to transcend our isolation and begin a dialogue about something interesting. Hint hint.

A poem

Here is a poem by e.e. cummings that I like:

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which I cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first roses

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands


I know that this is the poem that is always anthologized and quoted and was in that Woody Allen movie, but I love it anyway, even in its popularity. There is something about e.e. that just gets me in my middle. Thank you to Zenon for getting me thinking about poetry tonight.

In real life, it's a really stunning red colour.  

This is the other plant I bought for my balcony. 

And the same plant again... 

And again 

A blurry closeup of the orange and red flowers I bought last week.  

Pheasant Sighting

Pheasant! You came back! Just like I asked! It was lovely to see you. You are so beautiful with your green head with red markings. It's amazing how even with these brilliant colours you blend into the underbrush so well. It was such a surprise to see you today. I hope to see you again soon!

Bottled air - but in a good way

I was walking home from Ashley's tonight and trying to breathe in as much of the delicious night air as I could along the way (a task complicated by the fact that I was suffering from an allergic reaction to her cats - for the first time ever). The air was so moist, so alive, and it smelled of the ocean and trees and growth. I thought to myself that I wish that I could bottle that scent and breathe it in everytime I get depressed like I have been the past couple of weeks. The scents in that air remind me of so many positive things. The ocean smell reminds of my previous trips to the Maritimes - all of which have been pleasant vacation trips with my Mom (and last year also my sister). It is the smell of fun times and quiet times and travelling and being with family and pure restful enjoyment. The tree smell reminds me of growing up in the country and of all the dreams I had as a kid. When I was little, there was so much that I thought I could do with my life. Smelling that air and remembering those possibilities reminds of how much I still have left to do, and it reminds me to believe again that I can do it. The smell of growing reminds me of how much more to life there is than my laptop and my assignments and my stress. It reminds me that those things aren't the things that are real - it is the trees and the earth and the flowers and the grass and so on that are actually real and actually important. Everything else is a construction. I need to remember to focus on the real part of me, and not to get caught up in the dilemmas that I create for myself. I have an essence that is just as real and just as full of potential as those growing things that I can smell, and that is the part of me that I have to hang onto.

Like dandelion wine, I wish that I could keep all of these feelings in a bottle to uncork when needed. When sad, I'd get drunk on myself and on all of the things that I can accomplish. This is what I'd like.

Filling the Void

It will be hard to replace our lost friend, the Coffee Toffee Crunch ice cream. No one understands what a girl is going through when she breaks up with her boyfriend quite like ice cream with chocolate in it.

However, since the loss of this delicious ice cream, I have become reacquainted with an old friend of mine - fudge covered chocolate mint cookie squares. These delicious crunchy bits of chocolate minty cookie goodness understand me. When we parted before, it wasn't because we fought or because we wanted to split up. We both just got busy and involved in other things. But, our reunion has been delightful. Paired with milk, these cookies have just the playful spirit I've been looking for to cheer me up.

The ice cream will still be deeply missed. No one can quite take the place of its creamy coffee toffee tastiness. However, these cookies are offering their own sort of comfort.

Sad News

Everyone, I have some sad news. The Coffee Toffee Crunch ice cream is gone. I finished it today. Please, let's have a moment of silence for a dear, departed (devoured) friend.....

I will be accepting donations in the ice cream's name, which will be put towards further tubs of Ben and Jerry's. Please contact me to arrange a donation.

Thank you.

Blogging like a 15 year old

I've been inspired by Dave to do this test and post the results. I would say that they are fairly accurate (some are dead on), though one or two are a little off. Try to guess which ones!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I also did this one too. This one isn't a quiz, but I thought that the results were quite interesting, because mostly very accurate.

Your Birthdate: August 22

While sometimes employing unorthodox approaches, you are capable of handling large scale undertakings. You assume great responsibility and work long and hard toward completion. Often, especially in the early part of life, there is rigidity or stubbornness, and a tendency to repress feelings. Idealistic, you work for the greater good with a good deal of inner strength and charisma. An extremely capable organizer, but likely to paint with broad strokes rather than detail. You are very aware and intuitive. You are subject to a good deal of nervous tension.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I like spring. I like ice cream. Ice cream in the spring is good times.

Hello. I had a very nice day yesterday. Zenon was in town, so he came for a visit. I coerced him into driving me to New Minas for supplies. I bought some plants for my deck (I'll post pictures soon) and some potting soil and new pots for my indoor plants. I have been wanting to repot them for a while. The plant in my study looks much happier already in its bigger pot. I swear it grew a new shoot overnight. I split my African violet into two pots since it was getting so big. I'm not sure that I did a good job of it, but I guess we'll see in a few weeks if both sides survived. I keep thinking that they look lonely without each other, but I'm sure I'm projecting. The plants I bought for my balcony are so gorgeous! I have to ask my Mom what kind of plants they are and what their growing requirements are (though I suppose this last part is unnecessary since they have to stay where they are... I just hope they like it there). I loved being at the garden centre, surrounded by growing things and the scent of new life... so wonderful. I can't wait to have a garden again someday.

Anyway. I also bought groceries yesterday while we were in New Minas, and Zenon bought us LOTS of ice cream to eat. We chose 5 different small tubs so that we would have a range. Then we came home and played Civ 3 while we tried the different kinds. We actually only tried 2 different flavours before I was ice creamed out for the moment and I made us a quick dinner. I was so stuffed! I sent some of the ice cream off with Zenon (and I should have sent more) but I still have 3 kinds left in my freezer. My favourite so far is the Ben and Jerry's Coffee Toffee Crunch. As many of you know, I love toffee. This is coffee flavoured ice cream with pieces of Skor bar mixed into it. So yummy!

Last night, since I was feeling fat from all the ice cream (3 bowls!) I did a bit of a workout. I downloaded the first video of Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease series, just because I was curious. There is much less stripping in them than I was anticipating. I guess you're supposed to work that in yourself. I did a couple of the routines and discovered that I'm just as uncoordinated as I thought I was. Oh well. It was still pretty fun. I also got some solid work done on my thesis last night too, so that's good as well. The deadline for the draft is creeping up soon!

Oooh... are you superstitious?

Not much to actually say today, but I wanted to have a post dated Friday the 13th, mostly because I am a big geek. I was reading about the mythology behind this day's supposed bad luck, and it apparently comes from Christian notions about Jesus dying on a Friday and Judas, the betrayer, being the 13th one at the table for the Last Supper. Knowing this, and knowing how I feel about Christian mythology, I don't feel quite so scared of Friday the 13s.

I think that when I move back to Ontario I will try making homemade soap. I've been reading up on it, and I'm excited (yet scared) to give it a go. It looks like something I'd be really bad at, but I love the idea of it so much.

That is all for now. I hope that everyone had a safe scary day.

Beautiful

Today was about the most beautiful day I've ever experienced, at least weather-wise. It was gloriously sunny, warm but not too hot, and since I'm in Wolfville the breeze was cooling and smelled of the ocean. Could I live in a prettier town? I was feeling a little down and out of sorts earlier today, probably from spending so much time in my apartment lately, so I took a walk this afternoon out in the beautiful air. The walk happened to take me to the used bookstore, but I swear that that was pure coincidence. I felt much better after my walk (and incidental purchases*) and came home to sit out on the balcony, facing the water and soaking up the sun. I wore shorts and a tank top (unmatching - I love living alone) and I think I got a tan. I definitely got some sun because my skin still feels warm tonight. I had all the windows open all the way, and could not get enough of that wonderful, fresh, water-scented air. When I closed the windows tonight after it got cooler, I got another whiff of the nighttime air, and I am tempted to go for another walk tonight.

These past few days of relative freedom (I say relative because I still have my thesis and my job search hanging over my head) and solitude have been wonderful - just what I needed. I have experienced such peace and serenity and beauty as I didn't think was possible right now. Granted, beneath those feelings I've had some less pleasant ones at times, but overall the air and the solitude and the peace have been like a tonic.

To speak of more earthly delights, my homemade brownies indeed came into existence, and are delicious. I have been eating them all myself since I haven't seen anyone else. I'm not complaining, but they are quite rich, so I'll be happy to switch back to my organic applesauce.

* For anyone curious as to my book purchases, I got all fun sorts of books. Please no one (read Mom) yell at me for purchasing yet more reading material. I got Little Women, the unabridged edition (I have the abridged at home), Billy Bathgate by E.L. Doctorow (ah, E.L.... Will my addiction to you ever cease?), 2 Agatha Christie novels and a sci-fi novel. I justify these purchases by thinking of them as TV replacement. I have no TV, so I need to get my entertainment somehow. I realize the faulty logic of this, but I don't care because books are beautiful. I miss my collection in Ontario so much... It was so soothing to see them during my visit.

A new holiday

I was attracted by the headline: A Holiday Whose Time Has Come. After reading the article, I have to say that we need something like this in Canada. The focus for this town is purportedly on "improving marital relations," but I don't see why the unmarried need to be discriminated against. Let's all petition our MPs to see if we can't get a Canadian Orgasm Day declared, because if there's a reason to have a holiday, having really good sex seems like a good one.

While I'm talking about sex anyway, here's an interesting article about 2 enterprising and creative individuals who are raising funds for environmental protection. I never thought that I'd say that someone was making porn for a good cause, but there it is. Read, and enjoy.

Quiet is good

I've been living a quiet existence here in Wolfville for the past few days, and I'm actually liking it a lot for the moment. My body was telling me that I needed to take some quiet time to lay in bed with books and movies and mope a little, and so I have done it. I feel much more able to encounter life here than previously.

On a less strange note, on Thursday I went to a potluck at Janice's. Her birthday is on Monday, so she had a little get-together on Thursday which was quite pleasant. I brought salad. We sat around and munched on things and chatted. There was a nice mix of people I knew with a few that I didn't, and just about the perfect number of people for maximum comfort and good conversation (about 10). I got to meet Zenon and Ross's friend Darrell, about whom I've heard so much, so that was neat. After the potluck, I walked Ashley home for the exercise and company, and then coerced her into coming to my place for tea so that we could look at some of the horoscope books and other fun things that I brought back from Ontario. Horoscope books are fun. I have one from 1970 which is awesome - very accurate (at least in describing me as a Virgo) and because it's from 1970 it still has all of the gender roles inscribed in it, which is horrible yet entertaining. Actually, I noticed that my horoscope book from 1993 still has gender roles inscribed in it to0, in a more subtle way, which was an interesting discovery. I guess that it shouldn't have surprised me but it did. Examples of gender inscription - from the 1970 book: "Male Virgos are often found in legal or financial fields. (You are both impartial and fair). Female Virgos are especially suited to be executive secretaries, authors and interior decorators..." So, men can be lawyers while women can be secretaries or interior designers. Great. (Incidentally, I want to be none of these). Meanwhile, in the 1993 book: "Aries women have interests outside the home or often have careers." And the men? "Aries men are enterprising". A comparison of the language between these two comparable statements is quite telling, and this is from 1993. *Sigh*

I bought myself some fun groceries on Friday. Now that I'm back in Wolfville, grocery days are the excitement of the week again. I bought myself some unsweetened organic applesauce. It's part of my plan to start eating better, as for the past little bit my eating habits have left something to be desired (moreso than usual). I figure that applesauce can satisfy my craving for sweets, while still being a healthy snack. Very clever, I think.

Oh, here are some funny things that I've come across lately:
The Drinkometer - find out how much you've spent on alcohol in your lifetime - the results can be quite "sobering" (ha!)
Woman beats off intruder with gnome - a true life dramatic tale involving bravery and garden gnomes

Not much to say besides that. My thesis is coming slowly, but I'm feeling hopeful for the future. I still need to start the job hunt (is anyone good with resumes? I need help with mine) and I plan on making brownies soon. That's all that's new. All's quiet here, and I like it that way.

Getting used to living alone

I didn't think that 2 weeks was long enough for me to forget what it's like to live alone, but it seems like it was. Today was my first day back by myself in my apartment, and it felt really strange to be here alone. Obviously, when I was in Ontario I was staying with my parents or Andrew all the time, and I had only a few hours of being really alone (i.e. having no one else in the house) while I was away. At the time, I found this frustrating, but today I found it strange to think that there was no one walking around my apartment while I sat in bed reading (now it's Emma by Jane Austen - some pleasant brain candy) and since I spent the day alone, I'm ready for what would be social time at home - watching TV with someone or playing a board game. It's going to be a tougher adjustment than I thought to go back to my solitary life. I guess that I'll actually have to start using my copious amounts of long-distance phone time each month to pass the time. If you are a friend of mine in Canada, expect a phone call from me soon, but only in the evenings and on weekends.

I have some new projects in the works for myself, though. Today I practiced my knitting because Ashley wants me to teach her how to do it. I'm just a beginner myself, but I know enough to make a scarf (in theory... my last attempt wasn't altogether successful) at least, so I can get her started. I'm good at stockinette stitch (good is a relative term here... I'm not saying that I'd win a stockinette stitch competition, were I to be foolish enough to enter one - if they even existed) and garter stitch, of course, but my knit one, purl one needs work, and anything more complicated than that takes a lot of concentration, so I'm leaving it for later. I'm thinking about making a scarf, though, if my interest continues. Not for me, of course. I've already got 2, and I can't replace the scarf of love. I keep meaning to make scarves for the people I date, but my work pace is so slow that I have yet to finish one while still in the relationship for which it was meant. And it's not like I have a lot of short relationships, either. I guess that considering my slowness, starting one now in preparation for the next real relationship is probably smart. Maybe that way in Christmas of 2006 (I'd say Christmas of 2005, but I don't want to be overly-ambitious) it will be possible for me to have both a finished scarf and a boyfriend to give it to. I guess only time will tell. At the very least, I'll have finished my first project ever, even if the boyfriend thing doesn't work out.

I don't have much else to report right now. I stayed in all day today. I find that travelling back here is very draining and I need a day to recover from it. It's mostly so draining because travelling back here is an all-day affair when you take the bus home from the airport. I feel much more settled in now though and sort of centred, which is good. Tomorrow I have to buckle down and start working my thesis, the full draft of which is due on May 31. Luckily, I have lots of tea and incense on hand, so hopefully that won't be a problem.

Back in the little w

Here I am, back in Wolfville. I had a safe (and rather pleasant) trip back today. I'm a little worn out, but I have lots of thoughts (since I had lots of time to think). Perhaps I will do this entry in point form.

- It's no wonder that humanity thinks that it's invincible. We have created machines that can fly to heaven. I swear, every time I fly and we are soaring above the clouds, I think it's obvious why God is thought to live there. Today it was quite overcast in Toronto when we took off, so we flew through some heavy clouds to get to our cruising altitude. At one point looking out my window everything was pure white. It was like some sort of cleansing or initiation process, and at the end we were in a heaven of silk covered fluffy with golden sunshine falling all around us.

- How I know that humanity is not invincible is because when we made our descent, it was right over the clear cuts in Nova Scotia. What a contrast from the divine beauty of the sky to the gross destruction on the ground.

- Civ 3 is a fun way to kill time at the airport while waiting for your bus.

- There are too many good MSN names out there and so little time.

- Nova Scotia is the most beautiful province.*

- When I am gone for a while, my apartment loses its "me" smell and begins to smell again like it did when I first moved in - the smell of possibilities.

- The summer may not be as bad as I was anticipating.

- I miss Ontario already.

- I want to paint a picture of the tree that I saw in Dartmouth today and call the picture "Perserverance" except that I can't paint and the idea actually sounds pretty flakey.

- I need to work on the Marvin story again.

- My plants are all still alive (yay!) and soaking up water as we speak. I still need to get the mail, but I'm afraid to.

Note: I had deeper thoughts than this too, but they are either too private or too undeveloped to post at this moment.

* It should be noted that I have not visited every province. Also, I have a tendency to consider whatever province I'm in at the moment as the most beatiful one. What I should really say is "Canada is an amazingly beautiful country".

Eve

So, tomorrow is the day that I return to NS. To be honest, I'm looking forward to going back even less than I was after Christmas. Oh well. I'm going back so I've just got to accept that.

I've had a busy couple of days. I spent Friday night reading that book - The Birth of Venus by Sarah Durant (I checked the author's name in case anyone's interested in reading it - quite enjoyable). I had lots of reading time as I was up all night with an upset tummy. I'm not sure if my tummy problems were caused by stress (what stress? I'm on vacation!), something I ate or just a bug, but they were frustrating. Oh well. The book was good. Saturday I felt better enough to help Andrew move (though I wasn't too energetic) and Saturday evening I even felt better enough to let him take me to the Jane Bond for dinner as thanks for lugging his heavy crap up and down the stairs. Mmmmm.... antijitos... I didn't have my usual caesar salad (and I've been regretting it) as I thought homemade soup would be a better way to ease my tummy back into the world of eating. Anyway, no major injuries were sustained during the move, though I have been quite sore the past couple of days.

Yesterday I hung out at Andrew's new place for most of the day. We had dinner at the Vegetarian Fast Food place at the corner of University and Philip in Waterloo. I had very good vegetarian pineapple chicken. Mmmmm....I wish I had more... (I haven't had lunch yet today, which is why there is such a focus on food in this entry). Last night I came home and watched the new Family Guy, American Dad, and the Simpsons' 350th episode. I love having TV here. I will miss it when I go back, as ashamed as I am to admit it, if only for these shows.

Today I am packing and running the last few errands. I could start again about how sad I am to go back, but instead I'll think about how bright and reader-friendly my apartment is, how big and comfy the bed is, how cheery my plants are...