I am in a twilight zone

I am having trouble remembering where I live. Not literally. I mean, I can find my way home from work each night, that's not the problem. What I mean is that I feel like at the same time that I'm living here, part of me is still back in Nova Scotia, while another part has already gone to Alberta. I spend my days reminiscing about Wolfville and planning the move to Fort McMurray. When I drive around Stratford and the surrounding area, I no longer see it with the eyes of a local. So much has changed since I last was a regular here, and I have changed so much that my perceptions are totally different. Also, all of my Stratford friends have moved away or fallen out of touch or whatever (Meg is the exception here, but as we still haven't gotten together, she doesn't count yet), so there is a totally new set of people that I interact with everyday. Everything looks the same, and yet different, like "life, moved 2 inches to the left". I am in a twilight zone not in the sense that my life is full of freaky incidents, but in the sense that I'm in a transition period. Twilight is the time when it's no longer day, but isn't quite night. Similarly, I am only here for a short time before I move on to something completely different. It's strange feeling.

In more prosaic news, things have been going better for me. I am liking work more, overall, though this is partly because I know that it's temporary. Also, today someone from the office downstairs was asking about me, wanting to know if I'm single. It was a compliment to start the day off right. Last night I gave blood and when they did the copper sulfate (or whatever it actually is) test, my blood dropped right to the bottom. My blood has never done that before. I have kickass iron-rich blood for the first time ever! No one else has been as excited as me about this, which I guess is understandable. Yesterday I also got a haircut, which again, is only exciting to me, but my hair looks a lot better and today I was even able to wear it curly. This past Saturday I went shopping with my Mom and my Grandma O. I bought more nice work outfits, and some nice black shoes for work. I am going to stop spending money now. Soon, anyway.

I have nothing more definite to report yet about the Alberta plans, so don't even ask. The apartment search isn't going well, but I still have lots of avenues to explore (both literally and figuratively, hee hee).

News-a-poppin'

Well, it's been an eventful couple of days. I will start with the news that has nothing to do with me. I found out that Meg, my best friend from high school, is pregnant. She is into her 6th month. I was shocked when I found out, but then I remembered how I've been wanting one of my friends to get pregnant so that I'd have an excuse to knit baby blankets and such that didn't make me seem like a crazy person. I now have that excuse. Yay! Congratulations Meg and Dan!

Last night I went to see my sister's new house. They are moving in at the beginning of November. I'm not very often jealous of other people's possessions, but I am jealous of their new house. It is gorgeous! I love the design, it is very open, and the proliferation of rooms... There is one in the front that would make a great reading room/library. I also love the master suite. It has French doors that open into the back yard, an ensuite bathroom with a large jacuzzi, large shower, and the toilet in its own separate cubby with a door, so that one person can pee while the other is in the bath or shower, and privacy is maintained. The ensuite then opens up into a walk-in closet. I am going to have to take Zenon on a visit there sometime so that he can build me a house with similar features someday.

This brings me to the piece of news about me. I have found a job in Fort McMurray, so I will probably be out there before Christmas. DriverCheck, where I used to work, is opening a new office up in Fort McMurray, and since I am moving out there, they want to put me in charge of it. I don't think that it will be as glamourous as that sounds, as my job sounds like it will be answering phones, data entry and processing, and the like, and I might even have to collect urine sometimes, but it is still pretty cool. CP, the boss, thinks that the office will be incredibly busy, and I love the idea of starting something new like that. I am really excited and scared. The details are still being ironed out, so I will be around for another few weeks, but not for too much longer maybe. I still have to finish getting unpacked and organized from being in Nova Scotia! Zenon still hasn't been called out there, but I'm really hoping that that happens soon. It looks like our crazy plan to run away to Alberta is going to actually happen after all. I wasn't sure about it, but things are looking good.

That is all the news I have for now. Things are going fine otherwise. Work was busy today, so the day went quickly. Tomorrow I think I'll go shopping and run errands in Stratford. If anyone wants to donate, I'm now starting the "Help Heidi pay to move to Alberta" fund. It's a great cause. Be generous and give today.

A less grumpy update (alternate title: Zenon is my boyfriend)

I'm sorry if my posts lately have been abrupt in tone. It is just that I haven't been sleeping well, and work for some reason puts me in a bad mood. Or perhaps it is the drive. Whatever it is, every evening I come home feeling tired and grumpy. It is probably just people burnout, and then coming home to see my parents doesn't help with that. Anyway, my grumpy mood has passed for the moment, so here I am, being cheerful for your enjoyment.

My family has become addicted to soduku puzzles. If you would also like to share the addiction, here is the site that I used to get Zenon addicted to them as well.

I had forgotten how much I like the show Arrested Development. I watched the season premiere on Monday and laughed my ass off, as usual. Even Mom enjoyed it, and she hasn't seen the first 2 seasons. It is the next show that I want to get Zenon addicted to.

I should explain the alternate title to this post. Since we are so far apart, Zenon worries when I don't mention him on my blog because he thinks that either I'm not thinking about him as much anymore, or else that Hot Guy has begun to move in. Hot Guy is someone Zenon created, who will reportedly try to seduce me with his briefcase and propensity for rubbing his own tummy. Oh, and his dashing good looks. Anyway, in order to let Hot Guy (and others) know that I'm no longer "on the market", Zenon wanted me to title this post with the alternate title. Like anyone didn't know that Zenon is my boyfriend. Like I talk about anything else these days. Anyway. That is how that happened.

Hmmmm... what else is there to say? Tomorrow the family is taking a field trip to see my sister's new house that she'll be moving into at the beginning of November. That will be fun. I'll also get to see Anie and find out how her first week of school is going. I hope that she's enjoying JK.

I think that it's been good for me to be home, even though it's been pretty icky as well. I realize that there were lots of parts of myself that I was ignoring or neglecting or avoiding while I was in Wolfville. It's funny how parts of yourself get tied to locations like that. Moving somewhere new is so liberating and so challenging for just that reason.

I feel like I've begun rambling, but I don't want to waste this rare feeling of good will towards myself and others. I have so many projects on the go, and keep thinking of new ones to start, but somehow I don't feel like I have very much free time these days. I am plugging away at Gillian's scarf. I made some good progress with it last night during House, but it will still be a while until it's done. I have maybe 6 inches now? Maybe 10? I'm not sure. I also bought some new fabric for my quilt, so I want to start working on that, and hopefully finish it before I move to Alberta (or wherever), but again, no time.

OK, I am definitely rambling now. I am off now to shower, do some more unpacking, and to try to find meaning in my currently meaningless life. I will catch you all on the flipside.

Stuff

This past weekend I went to my uncle's wedding party. It was fun. I got to spend lots of quality time with Anie. She's at that age now where she says a lot of unintentionally hilarious things with the great solemnity of a 4 year old. Kids are fun. I was also the girl of the hour again as my family is interested in this guy I'm dating from Nova Scotia, and what's this they've heard about me moving to Alberta? I will have to do something else exciting soon, because this thrill is going to wear off, and I can't give up the limelight now that I've had a taste of it.

Saturday night also saw me in Waterloo as I met up with Gillian and Anna for coffee. David Stemp and a friend of his named Amy came along too. It was my first time seeing Gillian since my last visit home in April, and we eventually ended up tuning the others out and having our own private conversation. I like Gillian.

On Sunday I had a study date with Ashley which was slightly more productive than our last one, but still involved a lot of random chatter.

I am thinking of buying an inflatable bed. As time goes on, I just keep getting more and more tired, and something needs to be done. A new bed might be the key. My parents aren't as much into this idea as I am, but I will talk them around.

That's all I have to say. Work continues. It's been a busy week, which is good because it's going quickly. I've applied for other jobs, so we'll see if anything happens in that department. My current job is still OK, but I feel myself becoming less and less inspired with my life as time goes on, and I would like something more challenging and exciting, or at least something that pays more.

Just a fun thing. This seemed particularly true.

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Heidi - a girl of many moods

Lately I have been changing moods more often than a chameleon changes colours. I haven't been this volatile since I was 14. I am really getting sick of it. Every day at work is a roller coaster ride between giddy and despondent, happy to be there and wanting to inflict harm on myself and others. I don't think the girls there know what to make of me. This phenomenon is starting to invade my personal life too now. I'm blaming my lack of quality sleep for the past few weeks. The last time I slept deeply through the night was Janice's party. I have considered getting myself totally drunk before bed every night, since that seemed to work so well, but my money situation and concern for my liver have led me to more boring and practical solutions. Instead, I have bought a foam covering for my mattress to make it more comfortable. This has worked better than anticipated.

In other news.... Hmmmm... there isn't much other news. I go to work every day. I come home exhausted. Oh, last night I went on a big shopping spree. I haven't spreed like this in a long time. I bought lots of nice outfits for work. I'm not sure how much I spent, actually, but it was a couple of hundred dollars. I figured that it was an investment, since I am likely to be working in an office environment for the next long time. I shouldn't need to buy anything else (besides shoes and a black cardigan) for the next year or so.

That is all I have to say for now. I'm going to go pay some bills and look for other jobs. I've decided that $9/hr isn't really what I'm looking for right now.

I (heart) emperor penguins

Today I saw March of the Penguins at the Princess Twin Cinema. It was exciting, both because it was my first time at the Princess Twin, and because I have been wanting to see this movie ever since CC first brought its existence to my attention way back in June. The Princess Twin is fancier than I was expecting. It was neat. And the penguin movie - I loved it! I just can't fathom the lives that these penguins lead. It blew my mind. And the baby penguins are possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen onscreen. If they were only wearing sweaters, their cuteness would be so overwhelming as to make my head explode. They are so fluffy and chubby and waddly... I want one. Not really, but in my imagination perhaps.

Ashley accompanied me to the cinema. We were planning to have a study date beforehand, so we met at the Waterloo Public Library. However, it was closed because it was Sunday, which was unexpected. So, we went to the Laurier library. Closed. So, we gave up on our study date and went to the Jane Bond for antijitos. Guess what? Closed. As I said to Ashley, "You'd think we were still in Nova Scotia." Any confusion as to our whereabouts was quickly cleared up, though, when we went to Cafe 1842 or 1812 or whatever its name is. I received the most unfriendly service that I've had in a year. We were definitely in Ontario. On the upside, my smoothie was delicious.

That's all I really have to say for now. Gillian's scarf is progressing nicely, and is about 6 inches long. I just have 44 more inches to go before it's finished.

Too old for Phil's

Signs that you are getting too old to go to Phil's:
1. You think that the girls all dance too slutty
2. You are dancing in front of the pole on the platform, but not using the pole to add a provocative element to your dance
3. You see no one you know
4. All of the guys look like jailbait to you
5. Everyone starts singing along to songs that you have never heard before, and you are the only one singing along to the Nirvana song from 1993
6. At 1am, you want to go home because you were up early for work that day
7. Sobriety seems like a good idea despite the insanely cheap drinks
8. Anna apologizes for accidentally brushing your ass while dancing, and your response is, "That's OK," and not "No, no, I liked it. Do it again!" because you are both in serious relationships and not interested in flirting

Despite all of these obstacles, though, a good time was had. We started with drinks at the Barleyworks. It was Anna, Nad, David Stemp and me. Later, Nad went home and the other 3 of us hit Phil's. Anna and David are a lot of fun to go dancing with, even when we're all sober and tired from a full day's work. They have some great moves. I finally got the wear the neat bar shirt that I got from Ashley a few weeks ago. It looked hot on me.

Today was potato contest. Every year, people on my Dad's side of the family have a contest to see who can grow the largest potatoes. After the weigh-in, all of the potatoes are cut up and fried for dinner and a good time is had by all. There is also a contest for the youngsters for "best dressed" potato. Basically, the kids decorate the smaller potatoes and make scenes and figures with them. I helped Anie decorate some potatoes this morning. It was great fun. I had forgotten how much I love to do crafts like that. Our potatoes were very unique and contained copious amounts of glitter. Anie won for Most Colourful Potato. Tomorrow we might make puppets (with construction paper this time, not potatoes).

Just an update, in case you were wondering how the new job was going

It is fine. Some of the work is tedious and boring, but there is a lot of different stuff to do in a day. I find that time goes really quickly. I have an hour for lunch, too. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that time every day. I am mainly filing and distributing faxes. I would like to be doing something a little more challenging/stimulating, but I have actually been having not too bad of a time with this so far. I am still keeping my eyes open for new/better jobs, though. It is disconcerting because I keep seeing people I know from high school who are now working in the office. What sort of relationship do you have with someone that you were acquainted with 6 years ago, but haven't talked to since? Do you start over from scratch? Do you say, "Hey, what have you been up to for 6 years?" I have tried to ignore them all in order to avoid awkward situations. So far it is only somewhat working.

It looks like it will be at least six months until I move to Alberta. I am getting really excited to go, and I wish it was sooner.

I am just in a blah mood tonight.

Re-entering the grown up world

Tomorrow I start my new job. It will be my first time having a job that is my actual job, instead of having a job as a means to pay tuition. I would feel like such a grown up if I hadn't moved back in with my parents last week.

Tammy and Anie were out this afternoon. Anie and I had a good time drawing with glow in the dark crayons and paints that I found when cleaning out my bedroom. I have so much cool stuff. No wonder I'm one of Anie's favourite people.

Why is everything in my parents' house stale? I ate stale nachoes for dinner (I was really craving them) and now have just bitten into a stale Arrowroot cookie. At least the tea is still good. Oh wait, I brought it all from Nova Scotia. Actually, I talked Mom into buying 2 new teas when we were out the other day. They are both very tasty, and could potentially be a low-calorie way to fill those sugar cravings. They are both Celestial Seasonings teas, and the one is English Toffee while the other is Canadian Vanilla Maple. Speaking of tea, I have harvested some peppermint from my garden, and am halfway through stripping all the leaves off to dry. It is a tedious job. However, when I am done I will have more peppermint tea than I'll know what to do with. Everyone, expect to receive care packages in the mail with large amounts of dried peppermint in them.

My sister is now on my good list. Today she gave me a copy of The Princess Bride on DVD for free! She somehow ended up with an extra copy, which she thought I would appreciate. She thought correctly.

So, I have gray hairs. Like, a number of them. I am unimpressed. I am trying to convince myself that they lend an air of distinction to my appearance, but so far I am not believing me. I have not decided yet what to do about them, but I think that I will probably use the same course of action that I normally use when confronted with adversity - pretend to be invisible and escape to my happy place.

That is all I have to say for now. I didn't have the most eventful long weekend ever. I unpacked and drank tea did laundry. I really know how to party it up when I need to.

I like stuff

...which is good because mine arrived today from Nova Scotia. Yay! I still have to unpack and organize everything, but it is here. I have so many books! Saying that I have a million and a half of them doesn't seem like much of an exaggeration, though I suppose that in reality, it is. I am just prepared for that day in my future when I have a house with a library.

I also got that job that I mentioned down below. Yay! I am probably starting on Tuesday, or if not, on Wednesday. Yay paycheque!

The peppermint in my herb garden from last year has grown amazingly huge, even without anyone looking after it. Therefore, tomorrow I am going to cut all the branches off and hang them to dry so that I can have homegrown peppermint tea all year long.

Buoyed by the success of my last attempt, I have begun a new scarf. This one is for Gillian and it is burgundy. The pattern is called basket stitch, and I like it.

I had forgotten how beautiful it is here outside of the city. As I was driving back into Kitchener with Ashley today, she commented that this area is just as beautiful as the Valley is in Nova Scotia. I believe that this is true.

That is all I have to say for now. I'm going to go watch some TV and do some knitting.

A Memory of Barbara

I love the beginning of September. Usually it means the beginning of a new school year, and that speaks of potential and possibilities. The weather is usually really nice - sunny and bright, and not as oppressively hot as the rest of the summer was. The beginning of September now also reminds me of one of my favourite memories of my friend Barb who died in 2002.

It was the beginning of September 2001, just before university started again. Barb and I had plans to go to a literary festival being held just outside of Guelph on the Sunday. The night before, I got together with a friend of mine from high school that I hadn't seen for a long time. I was newly single, and he and I ended up staying up together and making out until 8am the next morning, when I knew I had to leave in order to get ready to be at Barb's house on time. I had a brief nap at the breakfast table when I got home (brief in this case being 10 minutes long) and then I drove out to Paradise Lake.

When I got there, Barb came out to meet me in the driveway. I couldn't wait to tell her what I'd done. At the time, randomly making out with someone was a new experience for me, and we had a good girlish giggle over it. That was also the summer that Barb was having her own forbidden flirtation/fling with one of her male friends, so we had a lot to gossip about.

We got to the literary festival and set our lawn chairs up along the main street to wait for the parade that was to kick off the festivities. Instead of watching the parade, we just talked about boys. It was ridiculous. Here we were, two intelligent, bookwormish scholarly nymphs at a literary festival, and all we did all day was gossip. The memory still makes me smile.

Later in the afternoon, between speakers' modules, Barb and I wandered away from the proceedings to a wheat field. I believe that the wheat field was actually en route to another section of the festival, but she and I just stopped there by the field and laid down on our backs. The day was brillantly sunny, and it was one of those clear days where the colours seem to pop with extra clarity. I just remember the brilliance of the contrasting colours as we laid there - the golden yellow wheat, the cerulean sky, the green green grass, and Barbara's brilliant rusty-red hair. We laid there watching the clouds and planning our futures while other festival participants walked by us and wondered.

In my head I remember this day as being pure and beautiful and joyful. Barb and I were perfect friends that day, complicit in our ridiculous behaviour at the literary festival that we'd so been looking forward to. After she died, I remembered this day, and I realized that I was now the sole bearer of this memory. For months afterwards, Barb and I would look back on this day and laugh at ourselves, giggling at our immaturity and at the fun we had. I no longer laugh when I think back, but I do always smile and feel content. For one day in my life, at least, everything was OK in my world.