Melancholy Musings

My new rule is no sad thoughts before breakfast, because things often seem the worst when you're just getting up and feeling disoriented and dehydrated and hungry. Things often start to perk up when your blood sugar does. Well, I've had my breakfast now and I'm still feeling sad. I've realized recently that I won't be able to come home for a visit next month as I'd been planning. This means missing Diana's wedding and seeing all the girls there, and missing Anie's birthday (you only turn 4 once!) and just in general not getting to see anyone that I was looking forward to visiting. It also means being stuck in Wolfville for longer than I'd been anticipating. I have such a love-hate relationship with this town. Anyway, that's another story.

I didn't realize how upset I was about this (because the possibility has been bubbling in the back of my mind for a while) until dinner last night with Andrea when the subject came up. I'm afraid I got quite gloomy and depressing. I've been trying to tell myself about the upsides of this arrangement - at least my Mom is coming to visit soon, which I'm really looking forward to, and this will prevent me from trying to visit Andrew which I would otherwise have done, and in so doing I would probably have started the breakup grieving process all over again. This is probably also a better choice for my thesis, and a better choice if I get the job I'm applying for at school (cross your fingers!). It's also a better choice financially, which is the reason that I did this. Any extra money I have has to go towards food, rent, and then moving back to Ontario (which will be a costly business, I'm afraid).

*Sigh* I'm feeling quite sad right now. I am torn between spending my afternoon in bed feeling sorry for myself and going out for a walk to get my mind off of it. I know it's clear which one I should do, but I still haven't decided which one I will do.

Editor's Note: I ended up going for the walk because there were chainsaws or weedwhackers or some sort of loud machinery being used outside of my window. I wandered Wolfville for about 45 minutes (it would have been longer except that 20 mins in I realized that I hadn't had lunch) and found the house that I want to own someday, as well as a runner-up house. I feel a lot better now - a lot sweatier, but less melancholy. I've also decided that 99 Luft Balloons is quite an inappropriate song to have come on when you're walking through a graveyard. I stifled the urge to dance.